Christmas, Sex and Snow...

As many of you know Christmas was a couple of days ago and for those of you who don't what are you fucking stupid?? Christmas comes with expectations of shiny new things snow and everything else that tickles your jolly fancy. Right now I am looking out the window at a neighbor doing snow angels on the front lawn. I am sure that makes her happy. Me I am not even sure if I can fit into my god damn snow pants! That is a story for another day.

Anyway. It's been a rough year for a lot of people myself included and this Christmas is at least the light at the end of the tunnel letting me know that there is a new clean slate looming in the future. I am surviving to spite a horrific year full of personal battles, next year I will survive again and hopefully I can makes something of it. I am almost finished with my first erotic novella. I have plans to self publish once it is completely edited. Amazon has made things like that possible. I still have two other books I am working on and a load of things that just spring to mind at any moment. The multiple project thing has always been my downfall but I am working hard to find out how to literally make it work for me.

Ok. on to the snow and sex... We had a blizzard here in the northeast. It was pretty horrendous and there is at least a foot of snow on the ground. Snow is beautiful it is white and fluffy and in a lot of ways looking at it it's sensual and sexy. That being said I have always wanted to have sex in it....wait wait wait I am not crazy I have no intention of ever doing anything that would cause me frostbite in body parts that aren't meant to see the inside of a snow globe. I just wanted to throw that out there though. Why not be part of the winter activities we all look forward to...sledding, snowballs, and sex... Right. Well if anyone figures out how it's possible to do without losing important body parts let me know!!

People are

This blog has been edited down to this one sentence to avoid people who don't understand that words are just words. Only People have the power to distort them and give them meaning. Thank you, 30

It's been a while...So a story

I have been slacking. I have been trying to think of a good story to tell you all. I don't think I ever told the story about the time I went to Amsterdam. A few years back on a whim I decided to go for a long weekend to Amsterdam. That is quite a whim I assure you; however I had heard stories about the famous city and I was curious. I wanted to see it all. The art work the canals and yes folks even the red light district.

I am not saying that it was everything I imagined because what did I really imagine. Hookers in windows...check....life sex shows... check...I am not sure you can every really have a clear understanding of what that all entails. Yes there are hookers in glass doors as you walk down sleazy alleys, and yes it's truly a place I would fear to walk alone at night; however there was something very exciting about being in a country that was so free with there sexual ideas. Now we have established that I am secretly a prude; however I did want to see a life sex show if for only to be able to say I went and saw a live sex show. I love telling people this story because it's misleading, scary and gives you the douche chills all at the same time.

OK so I arrive at the show and am ushered into a dark theater. I notice there are single people, and couples but mostly groups of Japanese business men. I am not sure I would every want to see live sex with a group of work associates but hey that's just me. So anyway I am in my seat and the show starts. The curtain opens and there is a couple basically going at it on the stage. It is very unromantic and certain does not display any short of passion what so ever. The couple seems like they are preforming a acrobatic routine more than having sex. So the curtains closes and there is no climax and then the next portion of the entertainment starts. This time its a single female. She is doing a strip routine with a whip that has the head of a dildo. Yes I am sure you can only imagine how that ends. I will spare everyone the details. Ok...so then comes the audience participation part of the show. Some how I am picked out of the audience to go up on stage and participate in this crazy experience. Folks remember I am a prude so no I did not get naked and no there was no sexual activity on my part what so ever. It started with the same stripper from earlier she directed each of the participants to come out and dance with her then fall back in line. Then there would be a conga line. So I went out and danced with her and she made comments about my boobs that made me feel awkward and then i went back in line. I was the last in the Congo and was suddenly surprise by large hairy hands on my breasts and something hard and stiff sticking into the back of my ass. This part is no lie and quite frightening. I literally screamed and turned around to find a large Gorilla. Seriously I am not even kidding there is some guy behind me dressed as a Gorilla with a phalic member that is sticking at full attention. ok so he got his laugh and he goes and runs off stage. Meanwhile I am emotionally scarred. You would think this would be over but no. The stripper puts all six of the participants back in line and we watch as she lays on the ground takes a banana out peels it back and sticks the end (still in a peel) into her Va-J-J. Then she calls each of us up to take a bite. Holy Shit. Germs are no joke so I am just glad I was the first one to go and not the last. After that there was some more inappropriate Gorilla Humor that ultimately embarrassed me and I was very happy to complete my sex show experience.

Where it all went.

Ok so you may have noticed 36 blogs have been deleted. I did this as it was always meant to be an anonymous forum, once Mr. X was in on the party it just seemed like the blogs weren't meant to be read anymore. He has read them and he was none to pleased with me. So out of respect I deleted everything but 3. That doesn't mean I won't revisit old stories or fun anecdotes; however I am likely to discuss with Mr. X before posting.

On to a different note. Today is Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for. As many of you know this has been a tough year for me. My 30th birthday marked a sequence of events that let to my job loss and subsequent struggles. I am still in a battle in the regards that unfortunately does not seem to be going away either. My former employer is evil. I can't even begin to describe it. They are worse than the absolute worse movie villain. They are set on destroying a person. Can you even imagine a business trying to do that to someone? If their customers only knew what they were capable of! They however haven't been on the winning end of these battles lately which pleasing to me has only made them more enraged and dedicated to their campaign against me. I am thankful for this though. They taught me a valuable lesson, more than one really. Research your potential employer, and go with your first instincts. Even if you are desperate for a job nothing is worse than taking a job and realizing you have just made a colossal mistake. If I had researched them prior to accepting the job I would have seen sites on the Internet which had horrendous stories about them. Also if I went with my initial instinct I would have walked out of that place my first day of training. Something felt wrong from the start. So I am thankful. I am also thankful that I got to meet some awesome people there who I now call friends.

I am thankful for my family. My neurotic dog and Mr. X make me want to be home more and appreciate the fact that I have a job that allows that schedule now.

I am thankful that I have my family around even if it is freezing cold in this stupid state. I am thankful I still have friends in California that I can always go back and visit.

So this Thanksgiving lets all try to look on the bright side. I am sure many of us have had a tough couple of years; however there is always a silver lining, and remember when you hit rock bottom you have no where to go but up!

Mr. X found my blog....killjoy

So I get a text message from Mr. X.... it reads "I found your blog". Oh shit was what I thought. Lucky for me I genuinely like him and he pretty much comes out unscathed; however grrrr. I wanted an anonymous outlet to vent, and yes sometimes venting comes with a rant over your significant other. I am probably doing it in a better format than most woman out there as I choose to leave his name out of it. I am sure he doesn't see it that way. Right now he seems slightly amused and immediately brought up the two gay exes; however I am not amused.

Is it wrong for me to be annoyed and frustrated that he now has an open window to all my stories and inner most thoughts and feelings. In some ways I feel like this is almost a therapeutic diary. A diary in which I can say almost anything I want because of having the anonymity that creating a pseudonym gave me. I feel now like my younger sibling stole and read my diary. The thoughts and feelings I share here aren't for him. I feel violated worse than a prison inmate who just dropped the soap. My blogs are reflective of everything going on in my life. They are my good days and my bad days. There are days when I am mad and especially at him. I am sure those blogs have a potential to read loud and clear as a big Fuck You. Today I suppose is one of those days.

Am I wrong to be frustrated and mad? I am sure he doesn't share everything with me and I wouldn't want him to. I am not sure how to react here. Is my frustration and anger justified?

Shout out to book bloggers indie authors and whoever else I F*cking want.

OK. SO no sexy stories here today folks sorry to disappoint. As many of you may have figured out from my blogs I am an avid reader and aspiring indie author. I am currently working on two books neither complete and ready to publish. I am also working on a website currently for people to be able to contract with me to write letters, whether it be business, love, threats...etc. You may not have figured here from my careless banter that I actually have a knack for business writing. As any of my former employers will tell you (Aside from the last one) I was always the first person they went to when they needed a letter. I have had many letters to the editor published on subjects I am passionate about etc etc. Basically I may not be able to form a coherent sentence here folks, but in letters I am extremely articulate. So what I am saying in my own random way is. I support the bloggers, the indie authors and even the publisher backed authors. I am going to list a few of my favorite authors on the side of my blog going forward because I am sure this business is hard. People don't become rich writing books (well most people). They do it because they love it. They do it because there is something incredibly satisfying when someone identifies with something you write. Its an absolutely amazing feeling. Especially when you yourself are so invested in the stories you tell and the characters you create.

Two authors have really surprised me lately. The first being Charlie Carillo. I read both Raising Jake, and One Hit Wonder. They both were kindle freebies. As kindle freebies go it's kind of a crap shoot. You may have some lousy author just trying to get up the bestselling list or you may have a story that nearly knocks your socks off. Charlie Carillo did that for me. I am not going to review each book individually but lets just say growing up near the NYC and understanding the family dynamics helped me immediately identify with his characters and learning to cope with dysfunctional families. His stories were well written, funny and held some life lesson, but most off all I was incredibly entertained. Now Mr. Carillo isn;t an Indie Author from what I could find on the Internet. He is the good all published kind, but even so they both kept me so incredibly entertained. Having New Yorkers for family members I couldn't laugh at all the similarities in the family dynamics.

Ok Next I know there has been hype of this book and it doesn't need my help but on a personal note I wanted to talk about it. Sh*t my dad says by Justin Halpern is great. I lost my father when I was very young but I can only imagine what he would have said as he got older. The book makes me long for my own fathers inappropriate sense of social norms and really displays a loving father son relationship. It makes me wistful for that type of relationship with my own father and sad that I never got one. Its funny and charming and so incredibly inappropriate at times it had me in tears. So I thank you Mr. Halpern (both generations). For making me laugh and cry and miss my dad like crazy. For those who say that sounds a little masochistic. I don't want to forget the man I adored as a child and I find myself forgetting more and more the older I get.

Also I just wanted to mention my favorite blogger at the moment Miss Kindle Obsessed! www.kindleobsessed.com As a fellow kindlite who is reading obsessed to the point where Mr. X feels I should join a 12 step group I have to say I appreciate and love the fact that there is someone out there who is so obsessed that she took it to the next level. To any of my fellow obsessive readers out there. Her blog is incredibly useful.

To all my indie authors who I love and forget about I am going to add a favorite author section to my blog layout so that no one feels forgotten. Also as I discover my new fellow bloggers I will also add you here too. I am starting to feel such a sense of camaraderie and support among bloggers. I love it. Its a community and its awesome..... SO love you all!!

P.S. I take requests on stories....so if you are an avid reader and saw that I mentioned something in passing please let me know you want to hear more. I often forget what I have an haven't shared yet!

I have been reading....

Normally my reading a book does not spell trouble. Lately however I get these ideas into my head and they become obsessive. I actually had a mini breakdown at dinner and cried the other night because a endearing character from a series I was reading had died. Mind you it was in the first book and now I was on book 11. This however is not the point! So I put aside my series as I was starting to lack the sanity to differentiate real from fake and went onto another book I had downloaded to the kindle and forgotten about. What did I pick?? Stieg Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. My first statement here is...I hope that my analysis is true of the other and not the translator, however I am pretty sure they don't give translators free reign so I feel safe in my off base assumptions. Ok my first thought after finishing this book "Holy shit this guy must be crazy" So I immediately googled him and found out he was dead from a heart attack. Hmmm I thought you sure it wasn't from an angry mob of Swedish woman??? Ok so he's dead but my thought is still this same this guy could not have been right in the mind. I know Europeans have a far healthier view on sex than us uptight Americans but I am pretty sure that doesn't include rape and mutilation. Ok so here are a list of observations that I made that lead me to believe this guy probably had some deep dark secrets of his own.


1. All the woman were whores...no seriously every woman he depicted was a promiscuous slut for lack of a better term.

2. The male lead had woman throwing themselves at him..so much so that his bests friends husband of 20 years had no problem that they sleep together on a regular basis. Seriously?? This guy had some ego!

3. The sick depraved guy in the book's live in girlfriend has the same name as Stieg's Live in girlfriend...hmmm interesting.

4. He put more time and effort into the description of mutilation than he did characters. I have no idea what anyone aside from Salander looks like, she is the only character he thought to describe and really only because the attraction to her by men is somewhat disturbing giving that he describes her to look like 15.

5. The amount of characters that hate woman.


Anyway I could go on and pull out imagery and all that but it's just twisted. So what do I do. I start reading the next one. "The Girl who Played with Fire" apparently I think it will give me insight into the mind of a sociopath....anyway I am already disturbed and I have read less than 10% of the book. Salander has already slept with a 16 year old boy, and Harriet Vanger's narrative describing bvlomqist as the 4th man she ever had sex with after her .....father, brother, and husband...WTF?? I think I can honestly say that usually women who have been raped don't equate that act with sex or making love or any other twist this guy could have put on it.

The thing is I am not sure who is more disturbed..him for writing it or me for continuing to read this disturbing shit....and you know what the structure and flow of the books kind of suck...just sayin.