Beds, Book Blogging and I just can't sleep...

Well that title pretty much says it all. In theory I should be sleeping soundly as I am finally on a break from the cold snowy East Coast weather. I should be basking in the 80 degree temperatures without a care in the world. This takes me to the first item in the title Beds. I need a new bed back at home. Mr. X and I need to size up as it's become common place for the dog to share. So in comes the bed thing. I want a soft plush experience of sleeping on a cloud while he would rather something a bit more firm. Well firm is what I got here this week folks and guess what I am up at 4:30am instead of sleeping. So I will pass on the firm (the bed here is memory foam I am imagine in firm its like sleeping on a hard box). What do you do when you and your partner don't agree on a bed? I suggested the sleep number but apparently he had not heard good things so back to square one and no comfy bed. Cloud. sleep. Sounds so lovely.


Why I don't book blog...I have been thinking about this a while. I read a book a day. I am fairly articulate. You would think this would be a great combination for a book blogger. Well no. The problem is I read a lot I have no meter for taste. You put it in my hand and I will likely read it from cover to cover. I don't have my filter for taste. This is not to say I don't recognize a piece of crap or an utterly fantastic story; however I don't want to be the person who just regurgitates bunch of crap from the book and gives a mediocre review. I think I would have a problem actually criticizing someones writing talent when I haven't even had to balls to have mine published. Not to mention more often than not I usually find something redeeming about novel and you know what is really disconcerting a reviewer who only gives 4 star reviews. How do I trust their taste?? So I don't review books.

So anyway. Here I am still awake with only a blog to show for it. Considering the last time I actually blogged I would say this may actually have been productive morning...

Is it summer yet??

Where I live we have recently had umm 24 plus inches of snow. It's well oddly confining. It makes life slowly and me even lazier than normal. I am losing all will to work and function. I read (even more than normal) and I fantasize about living in a snowless climate again. I mean something is wrong when you almost have to own a pair of snow shoes just in case you're trapped by a huge snow storm. I am not living in the mid-west I so did not sign up for this.


However this is my life right now. I have a partner is my utter discomfort that would be my beautiful dog, because if I hate the snow well she truly despizes it, and well wouldn't you if you had to go squat in it to go to the bathroom. She like me is anti-shoe. I however don't take that to the extreme and walk barefoot outdoors in the winter. She on the other hand chewed off her boots last year. She suffers not so quietly doing her thing but she is so not happy with this snow. It's actually above her head.

So the two of us are like peas in the proverbial pod as we both curse the day winter was upon us. I read and pretend I live in a nice warm tropical place and she obsessively licks at herself. SO maybe we don't quite deal with it in the same way but whatever. If it aids in this winter depression than so be it.

The snow has slowed down my writing too. It's all but halted my projects and even seems to slow me down on updating my blog. I need to find some outlet to ensure I can climb out of this winter funk. In the past week I have read no less that 15 books. While I normally read about a book a day I don't normally read 2 or 3. I see that that may be excessive. Maybe it has to do with all of my favorite series coming out with the newest releases recently but it's doubtful. Now I have read them all and have nothing new to look forward to for quite some time. I even destroyed my reading in this winter funk. Ah the winter funk...so everyone who has experience with this.... How do I fucking break out of this funkiness???

Christmas, Sex and Snow...

As many of you know Christmas was a couple of days ago and for those of you who don't what are you fucking stupid?? Christmas comes with expectations of shiny new things snow and everything else that tickles your jolly fancy. Right now I am looking out the window at a neighbor doing snow angels on the front lawn. I am sure that makes her happy. Me I am not even sure if I can fit into my god damn snow pants! That is a story for another day.

Anyway. It's been a rough year for a lot of people myself included and this Christmas is at least the light at the end of the tunnel letting me know that there is a new clean slate looming in the future. I am surviving to spite a horrific year full of personal battles, next year I will survive again and hopefully I can makes something of it. I am almost finished with my first erotic novella. I have plans to self publish once it is completely edited. Amazon has made things like that possible. I still have two other books I am working on and a load of things that just spring to mind at any moment. The multiple project thing has always been my downfall but I am working hard to find out how to literally make it work for me.

Ok. on to the snow and sex... We had a blizzard here in the northeast. It was pretty horrendous and there is at least a foot of snow on the ground. Snow is beautiful it is white and fluffy and in a lot of ways looking at it it's sensual and sexy. That being said I have always wanted to have sex in it....wait wait wait I am not crazy I have no intention of ever doing anything that would cause me frostbite in body parts that aren't meant to see the inside of a snow globe. I just wanted to throw that out there though. Why not be part of the winter activities we all look forward to...sledding, snowballs, and sex... Right. Well if anyone figures out how it's possible to do without losing important body parts let me know!!

People are

This blog has been edited down to this one sentence to avoid people who don't understand that words are just words. Only People have the power to distort them and give them meaning. Thank you, 30

It's been a while...So a story

I have been slacking. I have been trying to think of a good story to tell you all. I don't think I ever told the story about the time I went to Amsterdam. A few years back on a whim I decided to go for a long weekend to Amsterdam. That is quite a whim I assure you; however I had heard stories about the famous city and I was curious. I wanted to see it all. The art work the canals and yes folks even the red light district.

I am not saying that it was everything I imagined because what did I really imagine. Hookers in windows...check....life sex shows... check...I am not sure you can every really have a clear understanding of what that all entails. Yes there are hookers in glass doors as you walk down sleazy alleys, and yes it's truly a place I would fear to walk alone at night; however there was something very exciting about being in a country that was so free with there sexual ideas. Now we have established that I am secretly a prude; however I did want to see a life sex show if for only to be able to say I went and saw a live sex show. I love telling people this story because it's misleading, scary and gives you the douche chills all at the same time.

OK so I arrive at the show and am ushered into a dark theater. I notice there are single people, and couples but mostly groups of Japanese business men. I am not sure I would every want to see live sex with a group of work associates but hey that's just me. So anyway I am in my seat and the show starts. The curtain opens and there is a couple basically going at it on the stage. It is very unromantic and certain does not display any short of passion what so ever. The couple seems like they are preforming a acrobatic routine more than having sex. So the curtains closes and there is no climax and then the next portion of the entertainment starts. This time its a single female. She is doing a strip routine with a whip that has the head of a dildo. Yes I am sure you can only imagine how that ends. I will spare everyone the details. Ok...so then comes the audience participation part of the show. Some how I am picked out of the audience to go up on stage and participate in this crazy experience. Folks remember I am a prude so no I did not get naked and no there was no sexual activity on my part what so ever. It started with the same stripper from earlier she directed each of the participants to come out and dance with her then fall back in line. Then there would be a conga line. So I went out and danced with her and she made comments about my boobs that made me feel awkward and then i went back in line. I was the last in the Congo and was suddenly surprise by large hairy hands on my breasts and something hard and stiff sticking into the back of my ass. This part is no lie and quite frightening. I literally screamed and turned around to find a large Gorilla. Seriously I am not even kidding there is some guy behind me dressed as a Gorilla with a phalic member that is sticking at full attention. ok so he got his laugh and he goes and runs off stage. Meanwhile I am emotionally scarred. You would think this would be over but no. The stripper puts all six of the participants back in line and we watch as she lays on the ground takes a banana out peels it back and sticks the end (still in a peel) into her Va-J-J. Then she calls each of us up to take a bite. Holy Shit. Germs are no joke so I am just glad I was the first one to go and not the last. After that there was some more inappropriate Gorilla Humor that ultimately embarrassed me and I was very happy to complete my sex show experience.

Where it all went.

Ok so you may have noticed 36 blogs have been deleted. I did this as it was always meant to be an anonymous forum, once Mr. X was in on the party it just seemed like the blogs weren't meant to be read anymore. He has read them and he was none to pleased with me. So out of respect I deleted everything but 3. That doesn't mean I won't revisit old stories or fun anecdotes; however I am likely to discuss with Mr. X before posting.

On to a different note. Today is Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for. As many of you know this has been a tough year for me. My 30th birthday marked a sequence of events that let to my job loss and subsequent struggles. I am still in a battle in the regards that unfortunately does not seem to be going away either. My former employer is evil. I can't even begin to describe it. They are worse than the absolute worse movie villain. They are set on destroying a person. Can you even imagine a business trying to do that to someone? If their customers only knew what they were capable of! They however haven't been on the winning end of these battles lately which pleasing to me has only made them more enraged and dedicated to their campaign against me. I am thankful for this though. They taught me a valuable lesson, more than one really. Research your potential employer, and go with your first instincts. Even if you are desperate for a job nothing is worse than taking a job and realizing you have just made a colossal mistake. If I had researched them prior to accepting the job I would have seen sites on the Internet which had horrendous stories about them. Also if I went with my initial instinct I would have walked out of that place my first day of training. Something felt wrong from the start. So I am thankful. I am also thankful that I got to meet some awesome people there who I now call friends.

I am thankful for my family. My neurotic dog and Mr. X make me want to be home more and appreciate the fact that I have a job that allows that schedule now.

I am thankful that I have my family around even if it is freezing cold in this stupid state. I am thankful I still have friends in California that I can always go back and visit.

So this Thanksgiving lets all try to look on the bright side. I am sure many of us have had a tough couple of years; however there is always a silver lining, and remember when you hit rock bottom you have no where to go but up!

Mr. X found my blog....killjoy

So I get a text message from Mr. X.... it reads "I found your blog". Oh shit was what I thought. Lucky for me I genuinely like him and he pretty much comes out unscathed; however grrrr. I wanted an anonymous outlet to vent, and yes sometimes venting comes with a rant over your significant other. I am probably doing it in a better format than most woman out there as I choose to leave his name out of it. I am sure he doesn't see it that way. Right now he seems slightly amused and immediately brought up the two gay exes; however I am not amused.

Is it wrong for me to be annoyed and frustrated that he now has an open window to all my stories and inner most thoughts and feelings. In some ways I feel like this is almost a therapeutic diary. A diary in which I can say almost anything I want because of having the anonymity that creating a pseudonym gave me. I feel now like my younger sibling stole and read my diary. The thoughts and feelings I share here aren't for him. I feel violated worse than a prison inmate who just dropped the soap. My blogs are reflective of everything going on in my life. They are my good days and my bad days. There are days when I am mad and especially at him. I am sure those blogs have a potential to read loud and clear as a big Fuck You. Today I suppose is one of those days.

Am I wrong to be frustrated and mad? I am sure he doesn't share everything with me and I wouldn't want him to. I am not sure how to react here. Is my frustration and anger justified?