It's been a while...So a story

I have been slacking. I have been trying to think of a good story to tell you all. I don't think I ever told the story about the time I went to Amsterdam. A few years back on a whim I decided to go for a long weekend to Amsterdam. That is quite a whim I assure you; however I had heard stories about the famous city and I was curious. I wanted to see it all. The art work the canals and yes folks even the red light district.

I am not saying that it was everything I imagined because what did I really imagine. Hookers in windows...check....life sex shows... check...I am not sure you can every really have a clear understanding of what that all entails. Yes there are hookers in glass doors as you walk down sleazy alleys, and yes it's truly a place I would fear to walk alone at night; however there was something very exciting about being in a country that was so free with there sexual ideas. Now we have established that I am secretly a prude; however I did want to see a life sex show if for only to be able to say I went and saw a live sex show. I love telling people this story because it's misleading, scary and gives you the douche chills all at the same time.

OK so I arrive at the show and am ushered into a dark theater. I notice there are single people, and couples but mostly groups of Japanese business men. I am not sure I would every want to see live sex with a group of work associates but hey that's just me. So anyway I am in my seat and the show starts. The curtain opens and there is a couple basically going at it on the stage. It is very unromantic and certain does not display any short of passion what so ever. The couple seems like they are preforming a acrobatic routine more than having sex. So the curtains closes and there is no climax and then the next portion of the entertainment starts. This time its a single female. She is doing a strip routine with a whip that has the head of a dildo. Yes I am sure you can only imagine how that ends. I will spare everyone the details. Ok...so then comes the audience participation part of the show. Some how I am picked out of the audience to go up on stage and participate in this crazy experience. Folks remember I am a prude so no I did not get naked and no there was no sexual activity on my part what so ever. It started with the same stripper from earlier she directed each of the participants to come out and dance with her then fall back in line. Then there would be a conga line. So I went out and danced with her and she made comments about my boobs that made me feel awkward and then i went back in line. I was the last in the Congo and was suddenly surprise by large hairy hands on my breasts and something hard and stiff sticking into the back of my ass. This part is no lie and quite frightening. I literally screamed and turned around to find a large Gorilla. Seriously I am not even kidding there is some guy behind me dressed as a Gorilla with a phalic member that is sticking at full attention. ok so he got his laugh and he goes and runs off stage. Meanwhile I am emotionally scarred. You would think this would be over but no. The stripper puts all six of the participants back in line and we watch as she lays on the ground takes a banana out peels it back and sticks the end (still in a peel) into her Va-J-J. Then she calls each of us up to take a bite. Holy Shit. Germs are no joke so I am just glad I was the first one to go and not the last. After that there was some more inappropriate Gorilla Humor that ultimately embarrassed me and I was very happy to complete my sex show experience.